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Phoenix Journal Selections 
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BECOME AS A CHILD!, part 5 HOME SCHOOLING--EMOTIONAL TRAUMA I finally have what we need to look at this topic with great insight and positive change (hopefully). What I am going to say and suggest is going to impact some of you greatly and will in some cases bring peace and comfort--to others, denial and more cover-up of personal "guilt". Good parents WANT to give their children THE BEST available with which to flourish in a goodly world with positive self-esteem, moral rightness and intelligence. But, by "home schooling" is that actually WHAT YOU ARE ACCOMPLISHING? LOOK FIRST AT THE NEGATIVES (PROBLEMS) YOU who decide to offer this opportunity to the children by pulling them out of a school environment are taking a great responsibility and task. AND WHAT ARE YOUR RESULTS? Are your children REALLY happy? Are YOU doing this for your children OR DO YOU DO IT FOR YOURSELF(S)? Hard questions? Indeed! Is this ACTUALLY a need YOU AS ADULTS have to do something or other which APPEARS to be "goodly"? Think carefully about what you do AND WHY DO YOU DO IT? The first response is: THE SYSTEM IS TERRIBLE! Yes, so what else is excellent in projection? Now, do you CHANGE a system by severing FROM it? Do you HELP the overall problem by simply withdrawing the children and isolating them and yourselves from the problem? Does this REALLY and ACTUALLY give the children a fully balanced experience in living? You cannot CHANGE THE SYSTEM FOR ALL if YOU do not work within and on the system needing change. DO YOU HAVE THE EMOTIONAL STAMINA TO FUNCTION AS PARENTS IN THE PRESENCE OF MALADJUSTED CHILDREN--OH INDEED THEY ARE BY ALMOST ALL STANDARDS. YOU DO NOT LIVE IN AN ISOLATED PIONEER ENVIRONMENT. YOU DO NOT LIVE ON A MOUNTAIN TOP WHEREIN THE THINGS OF THE WORLD DO NOT EVER REACH YOU. THE POINT OF FULLY BALANCED CHILDREN (AND ADULTS) IS TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FOUNDATION SO STRONG IN LOVE AND MORAL RIGHTNESS THAT PARTICIPATION WITHIN THE SYSTEM FULFILLS THE SOCIAL INTERACTIONS AS WELL AS ALLOWING EXPRESSION IN THE WORLD IN WHICH THEY MUST COME TO FUNCTION. Is the experience fulfilling, REALLY, to the parents as well as to the children? I have to tell you, chelas, that TOO MUCH TOGETHERNESS BREEDS DISCONTENT AND REBELLION. You -- PJ 73 -- page. 29 live in a social world--and the interchange within that world MUST be expressed. What do you ACTUALLY fear from the school system? Will your absence from the school system actually solve your problems OR help solve the overall problems of the "system" in order that all experience be better foundationed? WHAT I PERCEIVE IN EVERY INSTANCE Where there is availability of schools in the public arena, I find a total conflict of interests. When the parents are also grown to the extent that they do not utilize a "church" group for social interaction--there is isolation and a very faulty and lacking of "rounded out activities". You cannot simply "grow up" and have comfort in the social circles in which there MUST later be function. Can you teach the ABC's better? What makes YOU think so? And, is there SOME REASON that if the system DOES NOT TEACH THE ABC's PROPERLY THAT YOU CAN'T FILL IN THE GAPS? The only problem with the school system is the lack of demand and participation of parents within the system!! Every time!! Parents send their children off to school to get rid of them! And there it STOPS! Do you ones not actually think that if children spent their time IN school, then come home and have full loving and peaceful discipline and attention from PARENT(S) THAT THE CHILD WOULD NOT BENEFIT? In addition, in these families wherein religion is not a focus for interaction--the child MUST have release AND SO MUST THE PARENTS. You do not live in a society, longer, wherein grandparents are present to bear a part of the load. I do not even speak of "physical load"--I speak of "emotional" load. Then, as the lessons become more tedious and overreach the capabilities of the mother--where do you turn for those very NECESSARY basics? Can a child longer survive on JUST THE BASICS? Not in this society! You say, "Well, that's what's wrong--I want them OUT of this society." How are you going to accomplish that, my friends? Would it not be better to go forth and get very INVOLVED with the parent/teacher opportunities, allow the children their social interactions in after-school activities wherein games and friendships are made and PARTICIPATE WITH THEM? Moreover, you as a parent will be better able to handle the time allocated to the children's home studies AND BE A CENTRAL LOVING FOCUS TO THEIR FRIENDS. IF PARENTS WHO HOME TEACH AND DO IT WELL WOULD SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN IN A MORE FULLY-RANGED SET OF ACTIVITIES AND PARTICIPATE AS PARENTS WITHIN THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND IN GUIDANCE OF GROUPS ACTIVITIES--YOU WOULD BE EMOTIONALLY FAR MORE STABLE, TIME WOULD BE "QUALITY" AND THE CONTRIBUTION TO MANKIND WOULD BE WITHOUT MEASURE OR LIMITS. CITY vs. SMALL TOWNS If you have a small-town setting you can do wonders and make great impact on the system by your cooperation and so, too, can the teachers--doing the best they can--grow and share appropriately. There are GOOD teachers who are simply beaten down by the massive surge of the downfall of -- PJ 73 -- page. 30 society as a whole--but the drive is not lost, only hopelessly confronted. With a few GOOD parents in participation--miracles can be created in the schools. I NEVER ADVOCATE WITHDRAWAL FROM A SITUATION IN TROUBLE--I ADVOCATE WORKING WITHIN IT AND CLEANING IT UP. I repeat, the child is better off, emotionally the one carrying the load as a parent, is better off, and ultimately there is POSSIBILITY of bringing sanity back into the system. I ESPECIALLY DO NOT EVER RECOMMEND HOME TEACHING WHERE THERE IS MORE THAN ONE CHILD  UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES IN A "NORMAL" SETTING, IF EITHER PARENT IS GONE FOR VERY MUCH OF THE TIME--THAT MEANS, EVEN OFF TO THE LOCAL OFFICE. This is not a balanced circumstance--and I promise you that the child is NOT BETTER OFF! If you TEACH your children moral rightness AND YOU USE DISCIPLINE AND JOINT ATTENTION TIME TO STUDIES-- YOU CAN HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH ENVIRONMENTS. Most of your society has not the privilege of home schooling. They do--but it is not priority and, therefore, since there ARE schools set up for teaching children--that IS what IS! To live without electricity just because the electric company is filled with Elite New Wodders is foolish--SO IS PUTTING YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN IN CIRCUMSTANCES OF NO BALANCE--LIKEWISE FOOLISH. There are some instances where it works to perfection and great fulfillment is achieved. It is ONLY in those instances that I would ever suggest lack of school participation. You do not have to have ONE or the OTHER. You as a parent can make such an impact on the system that it would make your head swim--AND THE CHILDREN GET THE MUCH NEEDED EXPERIENCE OF INTERACTION WITH THEIR PEERS. In the participation of the parents, the child actually gets to hold the honor of the teacher AND the appreciation of the other children because there can be "field trips", etc., that now go by the way because of lack of parental supervision availability. You must HEAR what I am saying here: If you are beating yourself to pieces doing these things which are for your OWN need in some manner or another--you are NOT helping your children--you are hurting them. Further, if the strain is notable to yourself you are placing such strain on the marriage relationship that YOU WILL GROW APART before the job is accomplished. THE CHILDREN MUST LEARN TO FUNCTION IN THIS WORLD THAT IS as we gradually change it back into worthy working order. USE that which is available to lessen your own burdens and give you time for turning within self for balance. Are you actually a better parent by some measure just because you chain yourself to the offspring like second skin? NO--you damage self and you damage THEM. A child must be given two things: roots and wings. They must always have sound roots and a place in which to place them--then you must give them that which allows them to function and FLY in the environment in which they must express. I note that if the parent is HONEST--there is little peace and total joy in such a heavy-duty task. I find restlessness, lack of peace, too much togetherness and a total loss of the parent most involved--emotionally. How can this even be remotely considered worthy? YOU DO NOT NOW LIVE IN THE "DARK AGES"--YOU LIVE IN AN ENLIGHTENED TIME OF TECHNOLOGY YOU CAN'T HANDLE--HEADED BACK TO THE "DARK AGES". -- PJ 73 -- page. 31 You who have taken on this heavy task must sit with your significant "other" partner and CAREFULLY consider why you do this and is it actually the way to go. Then you must sit with the children and REALLY LISTEN to them--they are already so unbalanced that they won't even know what to say to you. A spoiled child is. not a happy child--nor does it make him a worthy leader. Discipline with LOVE and then SUPPORT of the proper kind in loving GIVING is what balances a child into adulthood. Supporting his causes and participation in the social or school setting is even MORE important. -- PJ 73 -- page. 32 BACK TO SCHOOL So, what would "I" do if your children were my children? I would get them into school as quickly as the grade level can be sorted and then make a mark in the SYSTEM! There are certain amounts of responsibility acceptance that a child MUST have and he can get it by the routine and discipline of structured school days. What will you have lost? If it doesn't work--you can again remove the child. YOU MUST LEARN TO DISCIPLINE AND DIRECT THE CHILD--NOT THE OPPOSITE. CHILDREN CAN EMOTIONALLY SABOTAGE YOU FASTER THAN ANY LIVING CREATURE AND DESTROY A MARRIAGE FASTER THAN ANY THIRD PARTY AFFAIR. THEY JUST "TEST" AND MOST OFTEN ADULTS "FLUNK". REMEMBER: MOTHERS ARE PEOPLE TOO! I ask you ones to give prayerful thought to these observations and suggestions and consider possibilities. You must remain flexible as you search for a "better way". You can ONLY LEARN through the trial and error and/or success. Don't WAIT until you are "used up" and relationships are strained which are usually interpreted as a loss of LOVE. If that happens--no amount of ABCs and 123s can be valued against that particular PRICE. You have children of both sexes involved. Where are these children who are isolated going to find mates and sharing partners, jobs and balanced experiences? You must send your chil-dren ARMED WELL into this world--and that does not mean with weapons of war. If a child does not "fit" in at school--stop assuming it is the fault of the system, the teacher or, or, or--GO FIND OUT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? YOU HAVE MYRIADS OF THINGS TO GAIN! -- PJ 73 -- page. 32 A HOME should be a harbor of security and love--how can it be a harbor if the ship never leaves the shore? That is ALL it is--just a place to dock. YOU WILL CHANGE THE SYSTEM--ONLY WHEN YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THE SYSTEM TO THE EXTENT WHERE YOU CAN BE HEARD--ISOLATION AND COMPLAINT WILL NOT HELP ONE IOTA. So, what is Hatonn really saying? Well, I don't tell ones WHAT TO DO--but if it were me--I would put all the children in school if it is relatively safe physically--and almost all schools are "relatively" safe. THERE IS NO SAFE PLACE! NOT YOUR HOME AND NOT YOUR SOCIETY. TO MAKE IT SAFE--YOU PARENTS MUST MAKE IT SAFE. In our own local area I look at ones who have tried, worked, etc., and I do not see total peace and perfection. I look mostly at mothers because they are the one that gets "stuck" (indeed--stuck) with the extra load. I can name four or five right here who have tried, are trying, etc. Is there PEACE in your hearts? Do you ever question that what you CAN'T offer is serious in its lacking? Are your children able to integrate into social situations easily? Do they have a selection of persons from which to make lasting relationships? These are IMPORTANT--PERHAPS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ABC's. Emotional balance is "living"--learning lessons is "training". Is spelling words properly, enough? Do the children have opportunity to play baseball and grow in interrelationships with TEAMS and social functions? Social should not be the ONLY focus--but it is certainly necessary. I would simply hope that these words rest gently upon your hearts for there is no easy way and no "sure" way. Give them solid roots, develop their wings--and then, parents--let them fly for these children are only ON LOAN to you--they belong to God and they have a purpose which they, just as you--must find and develop. Perchance it is in a classroom? So be it. If you believe the "Master" is/was ever serene--forget it. When one is MASTER there is NO SUCH SITUATION. Each "MASTER" became a master the same way as you MUST. "Time for self" and "Time with mates" is very, very often FAR MORE IMPORTANT than is time with the child. You see, EACH of you has a talent or multiples of talents--you must also use those talents or you will never find peace in your journey. FEW have the fulfilling talent of home teaching--do you see? BUT, this is one of the major reasons so many of you come into the more time consuming service LATER or when there are not the responsibilities of constant child care. You cannot serve TWO MASTERS and when there are children--they MUST come FIRST--but not consume ALL lest the other Master never be served--and that MASTER is self, ultimately! You serve and love WITH someone(s)--you cannot be that someone in the physical dimension--EVER! May you come gently into your understanding. Salu. -- PJ 73 -- page. 33 ----------------------------